Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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