Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
