Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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