I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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