i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize