so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
