Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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