Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
