so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
