I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize