maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
