When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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