Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
