Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
