Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
