I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
