no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
