Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
