Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
