My brain says no but my pants say off.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
