I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
