I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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