I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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