At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
