Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
