yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
