Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
