i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
