i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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