hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sex in a hospital.. check
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
