Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
