last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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