I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
