What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
