Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
