dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
