Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
