I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I can text with my tongue
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
