I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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