you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
