? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
