I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize