His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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