Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
