Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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