you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
where are my eyebrows?
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