If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
