3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
