so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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