Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
