Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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