i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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