All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
