ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
