I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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