apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
