HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize