Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
