I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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