I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
