I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
