At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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