I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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