i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
