I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
