i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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