i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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