theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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