I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am spending my child support on dildos
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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