Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
