do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
