He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
