I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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