Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
