"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
