I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
