And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
