3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
