i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
