no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dignity is for republicans.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
