you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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