You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
