Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
