So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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