he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
