I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
