Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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