Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
