we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
