pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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