Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
