I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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