Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can't talk, ducks in the car
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
