I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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