I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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