I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
