New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
