We're facebook friends in real life
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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