seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
