it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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