the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
