upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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