Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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