you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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