At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
