When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
