If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
