I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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