Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
